If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
