Don't you send me to vm
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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