Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
