Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
