You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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