I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
