once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
