hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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