Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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