I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
