I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
