I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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