Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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