I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
