I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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