Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
