textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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