I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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