My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
