my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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