maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
