I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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