Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
