I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
