At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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