Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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