did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
