is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize