i wish my penis had a tongue
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
