If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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