I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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