found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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