Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
