So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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