Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
