Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
