The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
