stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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