watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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