My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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