I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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