Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
