So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
