i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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