i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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