forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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