I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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