i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
