girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
