pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
