I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
