I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
