They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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