Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
