Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
