Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
