Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
