OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
