you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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