I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
