I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
