I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
