i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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