I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
