Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
