Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
