We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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