and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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