get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
