garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
