So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize