Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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