one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
