Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We named our party play list daddy issues
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
