id be glad to
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
