I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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