I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
